Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
