why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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