We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
