Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Actions speak louder than pants.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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