You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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