Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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