Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's shark week go big or go home
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
