she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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