Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It was confusing and full of hummus
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
