**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
