i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
