I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
