come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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