shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
