You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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