He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You don't make any sense
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