Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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