im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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