The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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