you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
