ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
