My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
