i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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