I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
