is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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