Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
