I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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