i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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