I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize