Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
