Nicole vs. Life
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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