I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
