this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize