I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
