my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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