fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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