He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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