So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
