I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
