I am puke
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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