This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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