Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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