I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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