the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
