he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
