i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
