Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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