Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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