I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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