If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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