??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
