its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
