Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
