just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
