theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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