she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
