TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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