He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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