3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize