Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
