is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
