it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
