I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
