i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This house was built for laser tag.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
