Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
