I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
