My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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