He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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