shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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