He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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