imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
