I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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