i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
