So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
