how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
