franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
